Whilst I was away I was constantly busy, always doing something, seeing, experiencing, preparing, I was rarely by myself with nothing to do . Now that I have returned it's completely the opposite. All that I seem to find myself doing is hanging around, waiting for university. It's hard for me.
Coming home didn't live up to what I can only assume were my unrealistic expectations. I think in my head I wanted it to be a big deal that I was home with people wanting to see me all the time to make up for the past 7 months but it doesn't work like that. So much changed in my absence, in the lives of my friends that I am out of the loop with many of them to a point where I miss them even though they are around now! I feel quite isolated. There are conversations I struggle to be a part of because I just don't follow it, and there's ones that I want to have but don't feel that I can. It's not that i want to talk about China 24/7 but it has been my entire life this year, I have not much else to talk abotu except memories. The question everybody asks is "How was China?" or something to that effect. How can I answer that? It wasn't a 2 week holiday, it was 7 months, you can't sum up that length of time in a few words. It was both good and bad; it was a time of paradoxes and contradictions. When somebody asks that dreaded question, they don't want lots of details, they want an overall impression, preferably in a few words.
That part of life is over, I'm fully aware of it but it's like I'm being made to close the door on it whereas I want to relish in it and relive it and treasure it. I'm not ready to move on yet. My network on facebook is still under China because part of my heart belongs there now.
I'm trying to keep myself busy so that I don't dwell on things. I have a very busy week ahead and I'm meeting up with a fair few people so maybe I will feel more settled in this time next week.
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